Sometimes a simple conversation can throw you off balance. It can either turn your world topsy turvy or take you on a ride on a time machine. Sometimes it can come along at the wrong time and make things just worse. Or they can pop up at the right moment and pull you out of the dumps. It can put you in a totally different frame of mind. Take you back to those magical days of youth when u saw rainbows in shards of glass or to mundane days of reality when you view everything through jaded jaundiced eyes.
Thankfully I went back and opened up doors I long thought were closed forever, awakened old memories, heady days of open rains and swirling mists of dust. It made me read again it made me write again. It brought back the songs I had forgottn to sing. Dusted off old volumes and rediscovered Whitman and Neruda. Realized I once dwelt with the likes of Shelly and Keats. I smelt the fragrant earth after the new rains, heard the mountains whispering to each other and relished the liberating pleasure of a simple sneeze. Slowly the slumbering lover, the dozing romantic in me sprang back to life as I tore away the straightjacket from my heart and the veil from my soul.
In my desperate bid to play the adult I had smothered the youth in me. In a never ending quest to maturity, I had forgoten who I was. What was I but for my dreams, my music my poetry, my heartful of passion and unbridled joy? I looked at my love with new eyes and suddenly wanted to be me again. He deserved to see the real me, the one I don’t think he ever knew. I had been acting a role trying to be who I was not, trying to fit into dutiful roles.
Let me be me, the true me, the unfettered spirit, the dreamer, the lover, the poet, the idealist, the friend, the insufferable pain, the incurable egoist, the enigmatic non -conformist that defies description. Let me rekindle the fire that once burnt glorious in me. Let me be me…let me be free…